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Monthly Archives: August 2016

Play Mommie and Daddy

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate ... Read More »

My husband hair is..

There are 3 wives who want to decide what to wear to a party. The first one says, “My husband has black hair, I will wear black dress.” The second says, “My husband hair is grey, and I will wear a grey dress.” The third one gets worried and starts panicking. When asked she says, “My husband is bald, so ... Read More »

Improved

“Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market.” “Sounds like you may be bitter because she ... Read More »

Very stressful job

Nurse: Your blood pressure is amazingly high. Is your job very stressful? Patient: Well, I work at a petting zoo. Nurse: That seems easy enough. Patient: I determine which animals are too vicious to be petted. Read More »

I’m done for

A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach of an island and is immediately surrounded by a group of native warriors. “I’m done for”, the man cries in despair. “No you are not,” comes a booming voice from the heavens. “Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab the spear from the one who is beside you and shove ... Read More »

Two drunks

Two drunks are driving down the road drinking beer. All of a sudden they see a police car lights flashing in the rear view mirror. “What are we going to do?” asks the drunk passenger. “Don’t worry, I know what to do. Peel the label off your bottle and stick it to your forehead. Let me do all the talking.” ... Read More »

Father present

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It ... Read More »

No man has ever succeeded

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. “I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try.” “Poof!” said ... Read More »

Your hair smells nice

A man walks up to a woman in his office every day, stands very close to her, inhales a big breath of air through his nose and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore and and complains to her Supervisor in HR. Without identifying the guy, she confides what her ... Read More »

Sixth sense

Also known as ‘women’s intuition’, this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what’s going on in their man’s lives almost better than they do. Why is this? In the early 80’s researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain’s two hemispheres than men do. It’s these connections that allow them to put together a ... Read More »

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