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Yearly Archives: 2017

Knowing the Territory

It was my friend’s first camping trip with her husband, and they were lost. He tried all the usual tactics to determine direction—moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun (it was overcast), and so on. Just as she began to panic, he spotted a cabin in the distance. “This way,” he said as he led her ... Read More »

Check Your Levels

A man enters the kitchen, opens the sugar box, looks inside and closes it. He does it again and again. Why? Because the doctor told him to check his sugar levels regularly. Read More »

They Got Mom!

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home, collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?” Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they ... Read More »

Old Josh

Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came. “If you can get that worm back in that hole ... Read More »

Taking It With You

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. “I want to take all my money with me,” he tells her. “So promise me you’ll put it in the casket.” After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small ... Read More »

Boy Scout on the plane

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy scout and a pastor were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and ... Read More »

Here Sir!

During the first day of Navy Boot Camp, the lieutenant in charge had a stack of cards with each person’s name on it. He said, “When I read of your name, I want you to step forward, say ‘Here sir’, then salute me, and then get back to where you were!” Lieutenant: “Andrews!” Andrews: “Here Sir!” Lieutenant: “Cooper!” Cooper: “Here ... Read More »

You’re Wrong, Officer

The police officer approaches the driver, “When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.” The lady driver looks at the officer and replies, “You’re wrong, officer, it’s only my hat that makes me look that old.” Read More »

Not The Smartest Sports Fan

After football fans in one particular city were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, “Everyone should call in and give one word for that game.” “What’s your word?” the host replied. “Bored out of my mind,” said the caller. Read More »

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