Animal Jokes

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, “Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!” The Lord said, “Don’t complain. It lets you pick […] More

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a […] More

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away. So he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penìs into the equipment, turned the switch on, and voila, everything else was automatic! He really had a good time as the equipment provided him […] More

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, […] More

A frog walks into a bank. He goes to the only open teller, and sees that her name is Paddy Whack. “Hey, listen” says the frog. “I really need a loan! I’m out of work, and my wife and tadpoles are at home starving! I need money so I can feed them and provide for […] More

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says […] More

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same […] More

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said, “Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince […] More