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$5,000 bird

A successful businessman wanted to send his elderly mother a very special gift for her birthday, a rare South American endangered bird valued at $5,000. When he called his mother to see how she liked the surprise gift he was shocked when she said, “It was quite small, but tasted very good.” He asked her, after her shocking reply, “Mom, ... Read More »

Where’s Susie

A little girl asked her mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?” Her mom says, “No, because the dog is in heat.” “What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.” The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, can I take Susie for a ... Read More »

Very stressful job

Nurse: Your blood pressure is amazingly high. Is your job very stressful? Patient: Well, I work at a petting zoo. Nurse: That seems easy enough. Patient: I determine which animals are too vicious to be petted. Read More »

Plural of “Mongoose”

A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he decided to compose a letter. The only problem was that he didn’t know the plural of “Mongoose.” He started the letter: “To whom it may concern, I need two Mongeese.” No, that won’t work. He tried again: “To whom it may concern, I need two Mongooses.” “Is ... Read More »

The small rabbit

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral ... Read More »

Live Shark

“Can I buy a live shark here?” “Lady, what do you want with a live shark?” “A neighbor’s cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson.” Read More »

We Found the Driver

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his ... Read More »

A New Breed of Elephant

I took my seven year old son to the zoo today. We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It’s a frickin’ Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you just call it?” I asked. “It’s a frickin’ Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it ... Read More »

Foul Mouthed Parrot

A man went to a pet shop looking to buy a parrot. The shop had several parrots but one was priced much lower than the others. When the man asked why one was so much cheaper than the others, the pet shop owner assured the man that he did not want the cheaper one because it had a very foul ... Read More »

Taming The Lion

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.” The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.” “Yes I do!” “Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?” “Well, then I take that big chair they all ... Read More »

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