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I wish..

Two men were walking down the street when they saw a dog licking himself. One man said “I wish I could do that.” The other man said “you should probably just pet him first.” Read More »

Snail on the porch…

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there‚Äôs a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says – “What ... Read More »

Pet shop

A man went to a pet shop and asked for a bird that could sing. The proprietor brought out a gorgeous tropical bird, looked the bird in the eye, puckered his lips and started to whistle. The bird took up the very note and finished the tune with him. “That’s mighty fine,” the customer said, “but I’d never pay money ... Read More »

How do you mean?

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. “What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.” “They’re just like people, aren’t they ... Read More »

Barking Dog

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours. Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and goes downstairs. Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, “The dog is still barking. What have you been ... Read More »

A duck walks into a Dairy

A duck walks into a dairy and says “Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!” But the cash register attendee doesn’t speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks ... Read More »

Bull’s Education

A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells him, “I don’t need a tractor, I have three new ones at the barn.” “Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are ... Read More »

Four animals

Four animals a Snake, a Cock, a Cat and a Centipede, all heavy smokers, were playing cards together. When the cigarettes run out, the snake, the big brother, said, “Cock, go out and get some packs! You know, I have NO legs.” “But why me?” said the Cock, “I have only TWO legs!” So, the task fell on Centipede with ... Read More »

Hamster to the vet

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature, the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet’s diagnosis, the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of ... Read More »

The penguin

A guy found a penguin and showed him to a policeman. The policeman said, “Take that penguin to the zoo, now.” Next day the policeman sees the man with the penguin again. The policeman stops the guy and says, I told you yesterday to take the penguin to the Zoo, what on earth are you doing with the penguin in ... Read More »

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