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Good progress

A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress. “You call this progress?” snapped the patient. “Six months ago, I was Abraham Lincoln. Now I’m nobody! Read More »

Lettuce leaf

A guy walked into the doctor’s office with a lettuce leaf sticking out of one ear. “That’s unusual,” said the doctor. The man replied, “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.” Read More »

It’s Simple Math

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The psychiatrist informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. He asks the first patient, “How much is two plus two?” “Blue.” At which point the doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks, “What ... Read More »

Is it serious?

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, there ... Read More »

Following orders

Doctor: I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse? Patient: I was just following your orders, Doc. Doctor: Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order. Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me. Read More »

Thirty..

Doctor to patient’s husband: “I’m sorry. We did all that was humanly possible but we just can’t wake her from her coma. It doesn’t look good I’m afraid.” “But doctor, she’s so young. She’s only thirty-nine.” Upon which the comatose wife said weakly… “Thirty-seven.” Read More »

Unusually deep

A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam. After a moment, he says, “You have an unusually deep vań°ina.” The woman replies, “You don’t have to say it twice.” The doctor says, “I didn’t.” Read More »

B positive

Patient: Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group. Nurse: B positive. Patient: Please tell me soon… Nurse: B positive. Patient: Madam, I am positive, but eager to know the blood my group. Read More »

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