Family Jokes
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Latest stories
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High blood pressure
Sally had to go in and have her yearly physical done. When Dr. Jones remarked on her extraordinarily ruddy complexion, Sally replied, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.” “Your mother’s side or your father’s?” Dr. Jones inquired. “Neither,” Sally replied. “It’s from my husbands family.” “Oh, come now,” Dr. Jones said. “How […] More
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What he would like
A very rich businessman asked his small son what he would like for Christmas. “A baby brother please,” he replied. “I’m sorry, son, there’s not enough time, it’s only 3 weeks to Christmas.” “Well, can’t you put more men on the job?” the son suggested. More
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Balloons
A little boy went shopping with his mother and when she began trying some clothes on in the fitting room, he remarked, “You’ve got big balloons, mum.” “That’s not the right word for them” she replied. “Why do you call them that?” “Because yesterday I saw daddy blowing up the au pair’s.” More
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Monkey Business
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?” The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.” Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race […] More
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Big Decision!
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?” “Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.” “That’s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?” […] More
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Wedding Speech!
Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws: My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house… Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines… Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it… Those cooking must keep cooking… […] More
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What’s wrong
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Mom, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy is […] More
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Witness
Due to a power failure, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and […] More
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Grandma’s Home
When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. “Is that your grandmother?” I asked. “Yes,” Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.” “How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?” “At the airport,” Chris replied. “Whenever we want […] More
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A Letter To Dad
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: […] More
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Grandpa and Granddaughter
Granddaughter is sitting on Grandpa’s lap as he reads the paper not paying any attention to her. So she starts studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve and rubs her fingers over the wrinkles and then over her own face and looks more puzzled. She finally asks, “Grandpa, did God […] More