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Last night

This guy says to his buddy, “You’ll never believe what happened last night.” His buddy says, “Well then, tell me what happened.” The guy says, “Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch.” She said, “Can I stay here for a few days?” I said, “Of course, you can,” ... Read More »

Love Letters From Grandpa

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20’s, and the man she was dating left for war. “We were in love,” she recalled, “and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was.” “Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the ... Read More »

I want to get married!

Little Paul says to his father, “Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.” His father says, “For that son, you have to have a girlfriend.” Paul says, “But I’ve found a girl.” “Who?” said his father. “My grandma.” “Let me get this straight.” the father says. “You want to marry my mother? You can’t do that.” “Well, why not?” says ... Read More »

You’d Probably Live Longer

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?” “No,” I replied. “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.” “You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.” Read More »

Baby brother or sister

For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher ... Read More »

Hear Mommy say

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these ... Read More »

My Mother Had Three Kids

A man went to New York on a business trip. When the trip was over, he took a cab to get to the airport. The cab driver decided to have a little fun at the man’s expense, so he asked, “My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third?” The passenger had ... Read More »

Nice flowers!

An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.” His wife was thrilled by this new display ... Read More »

Ready for school

One mother arrived at school each morning with her seven children in tow, all a bit rumpled but never the less on time. Scarcely able to get her one child ready for school on time, another mother asked her how she managed her brood so efficiently. “Easy,” she replied with a smile. “I dress them the night before!” Read More »

I have news

A woman goes away on vacation and has her brother watch her cat. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her that the cat is dead. The woman immediately goes into hysterics, really upset and says, “You can’t tell a person bad news like that. The first day, you should ... Read More »

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