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Always Read the Sign

A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed at the hospital when his friend came to visit. “What happened to you?” the friend asked. “Well, we went to the amusement park and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a sign by the side of the track. I ... Read More »

According to..

A party of economists was climbing in the Alps. After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, “OK see that big mountain over there?” “Yes,” answered the others eagerly. “Well, according to the ... Read More »

Lettuce leaf

A guy walked into the doctor’s office with a lettuce leaf sticking out of one ear. “That’s unusual,” said the doctor. The man replied, “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.” Read More »

Sleeping pills

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like ... Read More »

Jail Time for Mommy

My older son loves school, but his younger brother absolutely hates it. One weekend he cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo. At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a ... Read More »

What these are used for?

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” “Eight,” the boy replied. The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?” The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. ... Read More »

It’s Simple Math

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The psychiatrist informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. He asks the first patient, “How much is two plus two?” “Blue.” At which point the doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks, “What ... Read More »

Poor Little Piggy

My young son ran to me, crying. “Daddy, I stubbed my toe,” he sobbed. “Let me kiss it and make it better,” I said. “Which toe was it?” “The one that has no roast beef.” Read More »

Golly, it worked!

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, “I’ll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you’re finished.” Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, “Golly, it worked!” Puzzled, his mother asked, “What do you ... Read More »

Come to visit us

The school bus driver stopped to pick up a kindergarten student. The bus driver saw an older woman hugging the boy as he left his house. When the boy stepped on the bus, the driver asked, “Is that your grandma?” “Yes,” the boy said, “She’s come to visit us for Thanksgiving.” “How nice,” the bus driver said. “Where does she ... Read More »

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