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Give Her What She Wants

Wife asks her husband to pass her a newspaper. He replies, “Newspaper? Are yo really that behind reality? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper? Here, take my iPad instead.” The wife takes the iPad and uses it to kill a cockroach. Her husband faints. Read More »

Footprint

A man sitting at a lunch counter has just been served his food when he calls the waiter back. “Waiter,” he says, “can you explain why there is a footprint in the middle of this food that I ordered?” “Yes, sir,” replies the waiter. “You rushed in here, asked for a large omelet and told me to step on it.” Read More »

For posterity

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonoṛṛhoea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonoṛṛhoea.” Replied the widow, “Yes, I know that he died ... Read More »

Why ?

A newlywed couple is getting ready for bed when the husband says, “Honey, now that we’re married, it’s okay for me to see your body. Would you open your robe so I can have a look?” She opens her robe and lets her husband see her naked body. And he says, “You are so so so beautiful. Can I get ... Read More »

Brown eyes cheat

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said, “Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?” “No, I didn’t know that,” The man replied. “So what color are your wife’s eyes?” asked the friend. The man replied, “I’m too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home ... Read More »

The End is Near!

A local priest and a local pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the ... Read More »

Two blonde friends

Two blonde friends were going on a trip to Florida. A neighbor told them that they’d be fine as long as they paid attention to the road signs along the way. They’d driven just 30 miles when they saw one that read “Clean Restrooms Ahead.” Two months later they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, ... Read More »

After ten years

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.” Read More »

Confessions

Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, “You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long.” The second lady ... Read More »

Are you crazy?

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “Sticking your thumb in my steak?!” “What?” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?” Read More »

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