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Lunch Break

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father. “How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?” I shrieked. Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked—the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he ... Read More »

Allow me to explain..

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, Sissi, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!” Sissi responded calmly, “Allow me to explain… the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted ... Read More »

Work telephones

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting. Dad: “People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.” Mum: “Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.” Maid: “So ... Read More »

An apple a day

A doctor and a dentist fell in love with a same girl. One day, the dentist had to go abroad for one week to fulfill his work, so he gave the girl seven apples and asked her to eat one apple everyday. Know why? An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Read More »

Walking in the forest

An old old woman is walking in the forest with a gun. She meets a young man and says to him suspiciously, “Wanna rape me, huh?” “No, no, certainly not.” (Pointing her gun on him) “But you will.” Read More »

Keeping Warm in the Winter

My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation. “If they could live here all those years, so can we!” my husband confidently declared. One January night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to ... Read More »

Love Letters From Grandpa

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20’s, and the man she was dating left for war. “We were in love,” she recalled, “and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was.” “Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the ... Read More »

Elevator pinch

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!” Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he ... Read More »

Keynote

A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique. “The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!” he advised. “If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people’s throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don’t ever forget to repeat ... Read More »

Following instructions

A woman brought her baby to see the Doctor, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned ... Read More »

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