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Have you ever seen…

“Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?” asked the wife. “No,” the husband said. She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill. “Have you ever seen a fifty dollar bill all crumpled up?” she asked. “No,” he said. She gave him another sexy little ... Read More »

Going On Vacation

A housewife answered the door bell to find two beggars outside. “So you’re begging in two’s now?” she asked. “No, only for today,” one of them replied. “I’m showing my replacement the ropes before going on vacation.” Read More »

Give up my seat

Little Mary: “Mummy, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.” Mom: “Well, that is alright, Annie.” Little Mary: “But Mummy, I was sitting on Daddy’s lap!” Read More »

Nice flowers!

An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.” His wife was thrilled by this new display ... Read More »

Trip to the mall

On a trip to the mall, a couple agreed to split up, visit their favorite shops and meet up again in an hour and a half. So while he visited the bike shop and the sporting goods store, she concentrated on the biggest clothing store. When he met up with her ninety minutes later as arranged outside the clothing store, ... Read More »

You aren’t the first doctor..

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, “Howard. Don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients ... Read More »

True bravery

True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys, then being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask: “Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?” Read More »

Anger management

Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet. Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush. Read More »

Requirements

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested, “I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.” The officer said, “Your requirements, please.” “Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don’t go out. ... Read More »

Loud Disturbance

My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. “Hello,” she whispered. “Hi, honey. How’s your mother?” I asked. “She’s sleeping,” she answered, again in a whisper. “Did she go to the doctor?” “Yes. She got some medicine,” my niece said softly. “Well, don’t wake her up. Just tell ... Read More »

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