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A Cold Charity Case

A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call. “Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?” The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive ... Read More »

I want to get married!

Little Paul says to his father, “Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.” His father says, “For that son, you have to have a girlfriend.” Paul says, “But I’ve found a girl.” “Who?” said his father. “My grandma.” “Let me get this straight.” the father says. “You want to marry my mother? You can’t do that.” “Well, why not?” says ... Read More »

My Wonderful Sergeants

Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. “My sergeants are wonderful”, said one soldier. “I wish I could say the same about mine,” said the other. “You could if you could lie as I do.” Read More »

Give Me More Pockets

“If you put your hand in your right pocket and found 20 dollars, and put your hand in the left pocket and found 50 dollars, what would you do?” “I would immediately rush to my tailor and ask him to stitch more pockets on my trousers!” Read More »

The Brave Wife

A husband and wife entered a dentist’s office. The wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or novocaine because I am in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.” “You are a brave woman,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.” The wife turns to her husband and says, ... Read More »

Probably in the carburetor

A man’s car stalled on a country road. When he got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. “Your trouble is probably in the carburetor,” said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. He told the farmer his story. “Was it a large red cow ... Read More »

Join the Army

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army. “But wait a minute,” said the listener, “She’ll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won’t she?” “Sure,” replied the man. “Well? Won’t they find out?” “And who’s gonna tell?” Read More »

You’d Probably Live Longer

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?” “No,” I replied. “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.” “You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.” Read More »

Midday Surprise

The week we got our puppy, I caught a stomach bug and stayed home from work one day. That afternoon, my wife called to check up on me. “I’m okay,” I said. “But guess who pooped in the dining room?” My wife’s response, “Who?” Read More »

Changing Voice

My sister explained to my nephew how his voice would eventually change as he grew up. Tyler was exuberant at the prospect. “Cool!” he said. “I hope I get a German accent.” Read More »

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