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A Home Affair

My client buys many rental properties, not always with the 
enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered. “Oh, thank God,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.” Read More »

Home Improvement

Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan. I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts: “Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category ... Read More »

Would you swap me?

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.” “Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you ... Read More »

Reason for Being Together

A couple decided to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary by hosting a big party. The wife was excited and asked her husband what he thought was the bond that kept them together throughout the years. His reply, “Our marriage certificate, dear.” Read More »

Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?” I asked. “What’s the point?” my husband said. “They die after about a week.” “So could you,” I shot back, “but I still like having you around.” Read More »

Wake up!

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the ... Read More »

I’m Still Ahead

My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. “I have a higher IQ, did better on my SAT’s, and make more money than you,” she pointed out. “Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead,” I said. She looked mystified. “How do you figure?” “I married better,” I replied. Read More »

Allow me to explain..

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, Sissi, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!” Sissi responded calmly, “Allow me to explain… the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted ... Read More »

What A Husband Remembers

Wife: “You remember when you bought me this blue dress?” Husband: “I don’t remember.” Wife: “It was on my birthday! And this red gown?” Husband: “On your birthday?” Wife: “No… on our anniversary! Don’t you remember?” Husband: “Honey, I’m not good at remembering colors or dresses. I better at remembering prices, those I remember very well!” Read More »

Elevator pinch

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!” Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he ... Read More »

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