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Taking It With You

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. “I want to take all my money with me,” he tells her. “So promise me you’ll put it in the casket.” After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small ... Read More »

14 Year Courtship

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He ... Read More »

Just the Past

Wife goes to an astrologer to learn more about her husband. The astrologer asks her, “Do you want to know about your husband’s future?” Without hesitation, the wife responds. “I will decide his future, you just tell me about his past.” Read More »

A Home Affair

My client buys many rental properties, not always with the 
enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered. “Oh, thank God,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.” Read More »

Home Improvement

Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan. I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts: “Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category ... Read More »

Would you swap me?

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.” “Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you ... Read More »

Reason for Being Together

A couple decided to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary by hosting a big party. The wife was excited and asked her husband what he thought was the bond that kept them together throughout the years. His reply, “Our marriage certificate, dear.” Read More »

Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?” I asked. “What’s the point?” my husband said. “They die after about a week.” “So could you,” I shot back, “but I still like having you around.” Read More »

Wake up!

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the ... Read More »

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