Marriage Jokes

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  • Seen on tv

    A young man and woman were eager to enjoy a picnic in the park one Saturday noon, and they opted to go through a fast-food drive-in for a quick snack. They ordered, paid, got their bag of goodies, and headed for the park. When they opened the bag, it was full on money instead of […] More

  • Don’t tell me…

    A young couple is on their honeymoon. The husband is sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s […] More

  • Clearly cheating

    A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.” More

  • Where Have You Been???

    A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news. Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every […] More

  • 14 Year Courtship

    A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his […] More

  • Who I am

    One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families. Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in […] More

  • Where were you

    A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.” She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.” […] More

  • Key to a Happy Marriage

    For those of us “of a certain age” and for you youngsters, well, these days will come soon enough! Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. […] More

  • Tickets to the theater

    A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After two weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family. Since this was a new home, the process took some time. A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular […] More

  • The Proposal!

    He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail. This 60th anniversary of their class, they had a wonderful evening, their spirits high. The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The […] More

  • How was your game, dear?

    “How was your game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy. “Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went,” he answered. “But you’re 75 years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?” “But he’s 85 and doesn’t play golf anymore,” […] More

  • Old flame…

    A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame. “Honey,” she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.” Her husband said, “That’s […] More

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