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The Usual Tip

Johnny paid his way through college by being a waiter in a restaurant. “What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer. “Well,” said Johnny, “this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.” “Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.” “Thanks. I’ll ... Read More »

What do you have?

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.” Read More »

Three mice

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off ... Read More »

Sunday newspaper

A very drunk gent checked into a hotel late one Saturday night. He awoke very ill and summoned a bellboy to fetch him a bottle of whiskey and a Sunday newspaper. The bellhop was gone a long time. When he returned, the drunk remarked, “It must be hard to buy a bottle in this town on Sunday.” “There was no ... Read More »

It’s bean soup

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup of the day, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “It’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it’s been,” he replied. “I want to know what it is now?” Read More »

Help me!

A waiter suddenly became ill and was rushed to the hospital. He was lying on the operating table in extreme pain when he saw an intern go by. “Doctor, help me!” pleaded the waiter. “Sorry,” replied the intern. “That isn’t my table.” Read More »

Two drunks

Two drunks are driving down the road drinking beer. All of a sudden they see a police car lights flashing in the rear view mirror. “What are we going to do?” asks the drunk passenger. “Don’t worry, I know what to do. Peel the label off your bottle and stick it to your forehead. Let me do all the talking.” ... Read More »

Does Anyone Know CPR?

I was drinking a margarita when a guy stood up and asked, “Does anyone here know CPR?” Someone else stood up and said, “Yeah, I know the whole alphabet.” We all laughed and laughed and laughed… well, except this one guy. Read More »

Warm Beer!!!

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer. Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the ... Read More »

Finding Perfect Men

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!” An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a ... Read More »

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