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Tag Archives: Animal Jokes

The parrot

So there’s this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too ... Read More »

Never Talk to the Parrot

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rottweiler ... Read More »

Shoulda Said

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. ”Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?” ”Dogs can’t talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I’ll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.” ”Okay,” says the guy. He turns to his dog. ... Read More »

Feline Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.” ... Read More »

This Dog Loves People

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to keep hold of Psil, the ... Read More »

Duckman

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?” The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my as$.” Read More »

The Biggest Lie

The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, the reverend went over and asked, “What are you doing with that dog?” One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided that whichever one of us ... Read More »

Neighbours

A man looks over his garden wall to see his neighbour digging a hole in the back garden. “What are you up to?” he asks. “I’m digging a hole for my dead hamster,” he replies. “Sorry to hear that, but it’s a big hole for a hamster isn’t it?” “Of course it is, it’s inside your damn cat” he yells. Read More »

Flying Turtle

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on ... Read More »

The guilt!

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit ... Read More »

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