March 2014

Monthly Archives

Latest stories

  • The milkman

    The milkman delivers the milk the day before Christmas and rings the bell of number 11, hoping for a festive tip. As the door opens, he sees a beautiful woman standing there wearing a see-through nightie. She takes him by the hand and guides him upstairs where she makes mad passionate love to him. At […] More

  • Upstairs

    A man walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a pasty. “How much will that be?” he asks. “Nothing, Sir, it’s on the house.” A little later, he orders another beer and again is told it’s on the house. After a third pint, he questions the barman. “Why are all the drinks […] More

  • Pretty sick

    A man rings up his boss to tell him he won’t be in to work. “I’m sorry, I’m sick,” he tells him. “Sick again?” says the boss angrily “This seems to be happening a lot. How sick are you?” “Pretty sick” replies the man. “I’m in bed with my sister.” More

  • Come quickly

    An emergency call was made to the local police station. “Come quickly,” gasped the voice, “a burglar is trapped in the bedroom of an old spinster.” “We’ll be right there,” said the desk sergeant. “May I ask who’s talking?” “It’s me, the burglar, help!” More

  • Stages of marriage

    “There are three different stages of marriage” said Dad to his son on the boy’s wedding day. “When you’re newlyweds, you have se* wherever and whenever you want it – the house, the garden, in the supermarket, all over the place. But then comes stage 2. After you’ve been married for some time, se* is […] More

  • Lighthouse keeper

    A fishing boat had crashed onto the rocks in heavy seas and the lighthouse keeper was taken to court for negligence. His lawyer asked him “Did you carry out your duties on the night in question?” The lighthouse keeper described his work, how the machinery flashed the light on and off and how he constantly […] More

  • I really tricked you

    A simple young man got very drunk one day and was caught short on the way home so he relieved himself in the local river. At that moment a policeman came along and shouted to him. “Stop that immediately, put it away and go home, you drunken sod.” The man stuck his d*ck back inside […] More

  • It’s no good

    “It’s no good, Mabel, I can’t find anything wrong with you, it must be the effects of drinking,” said the doctor. “Well, in that case I’ll come back when you’re sober!” exclaimed the woman. More

  • How can you tell?

    A very drunk man was walking down the street, one foot on the pavement and the other on the road. “I shall have to arrest you for being drunk,” said the policeman. “Drunk?” said the man. “How can you tell?” “You are walking with one foot on the pavement and the other on the road,” […] More

  • Did it hurt?

    Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee. One turns to the other and says, “Your dinky doesn’t have any skin on it.” “That’s because I’ve been circumcised,” he replies. “Cor! What does that mean?” “It means the skin’s been cut off the end.” “How old were you when they did that?” […] More

  • First child

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries. “No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!” More

  • High blood pressure

    Sally had to go in and have her yearly physical done. When Dr. Jones remarked on her extraordinarily ruddy complexion, Sally replied, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.” “Your mother’s side or your father’s?” Dr. Jones inquired. “Neither,” Sally replied. “It’s from my husbands family.” “Oh, come now,” Dr. Jones said. “How […] More

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