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  • The will to live…

    A man went to his lawyer and said: “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” The lawyer says “No problem, leave it all to me”. The man looks somewhat upset … “Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I’d like […] More

  • Before you jump

    A tough looking group of hairy bikers is riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also […] More

  • $5,000 bird

    A successful businessman wanted to send his elderly mother a very special gift for her birthday, a rare South American endangered bird valued at $5,000. When he called his mother to see how she liked the surprise gift he was shocked when she said, “It was quite small, but tasted very good.” He asked her, […] More

  • It’s bean soup

    When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup of the day, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “It’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it’s been,” he replied. “I want to know what it is now?” More

  • One claw

    A man went into a restaurant and asked for crab. When the waiter brought it, the man objected, “Just a minute, that crab only has one claw!” “Yes, said the waiter, it was in a fight.” “Well,” said the man, “Bring me the winner!” More

  • Young actress

    A producer is smitten by a beautiful but less than brilliant young actress. He asks for her hand in marriage. She doesn’t quite grasp what he’s saying. He adds, “You don’t understand. I want you to be the mother of my children.” The actress asks, “Really? How many do you have?” More

  • Which bean

    A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?” The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean […] More

  • Pass Inspection

    I had moved to South Carolina from New York and at that time, a vehicle inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous. My car was in rough shape. I thought of New York State’s rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove down […] More

  • Costly Wakeup

    An anesthesiologist has a stock answer to the usual question asked by pre-surgical patients: “How much will the anesthesia cost?” “Oh, about $100.00. $1.00 to go to sleep and $99.00 for waking up. Most patients buy the whole package.” More

  • Helpful Grandaugher

    My Granddaughter bought me one of those fancy do everything cell phones for my birthday. She said she’d come over on the weekend and show me how to use it. The bad thing is I spilled some water on it and feeling horrible I called her up and told her what happened. She told me […] More

  • The Painless Dentist

    When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the ‘Painless’ dentist. However, a local little girl called Veronica disputed his claim. “He’s a fake!” Veronica told her friends. “He’s not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth, I bit him, and he screamed like […] More

  • The Morning Dew

    A Grandmother asked her teenage grandson to lightly water the plants outside in the backyard, but to not wet the grass because the younger grandchildren wanted to go out to play in the yard. She didn’t want the yard to be muddy for them to walk through. The teenage grandson happily said he understood and […] More

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