joker
Latest stories
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Father and son
A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the game, and Dad can’t find the tickets. Dad: “Nip home and see if I left the tickets there.” Bobby: “No probs, Dad.” Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: “Yep, they’re on the kitchen table where […] More
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Go to the dentist
Arthur: I like to go to the dentist. Marion: You really like to see the dentist? Arthur: Yes. My teacher, my mother, my big sister–they all tell me to shut up. The dentist is the only person who tells me to open my mouth! More
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Johnson is cheating!
A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson. Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!” “How can you tell?” Phillips asked. “Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!” More
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Way to a lecture
On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer. ‘I’m on my way […] More
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New Year’s resolution
John, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Dave, and asks for a smoke. “I thought you made a New Year’s resolution and that you don’t smoke,” Dave says. “I’m in the process of quitting,” replies John with a grin. “I am in the middle of phase one.” “Phase one?” asks David. “Yeah,” […] More
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Robbing the robbers!
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer`s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain`t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.” The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers! […] More
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A lady…
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person […] More
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Actual radio conversation!
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: […] More
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An Honest Mistake!
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: “What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked. “Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?” The minister replied, “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give […] More
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Live until ninety
“Do you think I shall live until I’m ninety, doctor?” “How old are you now?” “Forty.” “Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?” “No. I don’t drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I don’t have any vices.” “Well, good heavens, what do you want to live […] More
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Guilty in traffic
A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not run […] More