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  • Brand new

    A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife’s new husband at a party. After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: “So, how do you like using second-hand goods?” “Doesn’t bother me,” the new husband replies. “Once you get past the first three inches, it’s all brand new.” More

  • The Hat

    An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this […] More

  • According to…

    A party of economists was climbing in the Alps. After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, “OK see that big mountain over there?” “Yes,” answered the others […] More

  • Glass of Water

    With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water. After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled, “Go to sleep, I’m watching TV.” “But Dad,” he protested, “my room is still on fire!” More

  • Lettuce leaf

    A guy walked into the doctor’s office with a lettuce leaf sticking out of one ear. “That’s unusual,” said the doctor. The man replied, “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.” More

  • My Lunch Money

    Parent: “Why did you swallow the money I gave you?” Child: “Well, you did say it was my lunch money.” More

  • Acts of God

    The new minister’s wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again. Several years and five children later, the […] More

  • How much?

    When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn’t remember. “You probably got the cheaper gas,” he said. “That could account for the engine running so rough.” “No, the gas wasn’t cheaper!” she replied indignantly. “Well, how much did it […] More

  • Jail Time for Mommy

    My older son loves school, but his younger brother absolutely hates it. One weekend he cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo. At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car […] More

  • Bring me down

    “I’ve never flown before,” said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you?” “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!” More

  • Smashing The Cigarettes

    A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He proceeded to […] More

  • A man and an ostrich

    A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, “What will it be?” The man replied “a burger and a coke.” “And you?” “I’ll have the same,” the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. “That will be $4.50,” The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. […] More

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