Animal Jokes | Hot Jokes

Horse Tears

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?” The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right […] More

Life After Death

A couple made a deal that which ever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the after life. Her biggest fear was there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact. Mary… Mary…. Is that you Fred? […] More

Feline Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had […] More

This Dog Loves People

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to […] More

Police Dog

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. “Well,” says the personnel director, “You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.” Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. “Also,” says the director, “You must pass a […] More

Magic frog

A bear and a squirrel were walking through the forest when the stumbled on a magic frog who said he would grant them both three wishes. The bear goes first. “I wish all the bears in the forest besides me were female” said the bear. “Then I’d get laid all the time.” “It is so.” […] More

Mommy Bear

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his […] More

Haircut

A woman took her dog to the parlor for a haircut and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would be fifty dollars, she was outraged. “I only pay thirty for my own haircut,” she said. The groomer said, “That may be true, but then you don’t bite!” More