Animal Jokes | Hot Jokes

Yuppie Farmer

A yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and told the proprietor he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. “That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the city slicker replied. […] More

Future value

A tourist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. “Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years, it would have been worth […] More

The parrot

So there’s this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, […] More

Shoulda Said

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. ”Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?” ”Dogs can’t talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I’ll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.” ”Okay,” says the guy. […] More

Duckman

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?” The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my as$.” More

Alligator Woes

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids… I just don’t get it.” “Well,” says the big alligator, “what have […] More

The Biggest Lie

The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, the reverend went over and asked, “What are you doing with that dog?” One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided […] More

Neighbours

A man looks over his garden wall to see his neighbour digging a hole in the back garden. “What are you up to?” he asks. “I’m digging a hole for my dead hamster,” he replies. “Sorry to hear that, but it’s a big hole for a hamster isn’t it?” “Of course it is, it’s inside […] More