Children Jokes

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  • Little Workers

    The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson. “Worker ants,” she told them, “can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?” One child was ready with the answer, “They don’t have a union?” More

  • Better Schooling

    Why did Little Johnny bring a ladder to school? He wanted a higher education. More

  • How to get into Heaven

    An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay […] More

  • Scavenger hunt

    A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list. “Ma’am,” he explained, “I’m on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.” “Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such […] More

  • Now I know..

    A father took his small daughter to Disneyworld. When they arrived, the little girl headed straight for the space mountain rollercoaster and rode it twice. The following year, they returned to the park and the father took the girl to space mountain. She hesitated for a moment, then said to her father that she wouldn’t […] More

  • Poor Aunt Mildred

    A small boy turned to his Aunt Mildred and said, “Wow, you’re not pretty!” His mother overheard the remark and was appalled. She took him aside and gave him a real telling-off before ordering him to go back out to say sorry to Aunt Mildred Suitably chastened, the boy went over and said quietly, “Aunt […] More

  • What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?

    The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!” More

  • One Will Do

    A kid asked his mother, “Mom, can you buy me those two toys that we had seen at the store the other day?” His mother replied, “I will buy you one of them. One is enough to keep you busy at playtime.” Later that day, the kid started doing his homework. The mother said, “Remember […] More

  • One is enough

    A kid asked his mother, “Mom, can you buy me those two toys that we had seen at the store the other day?” His mother replied, “I will buy you one of them. One is enough to keep you busy at playtime.” Later that day, the kid started doing his homework. The mother said, “Remember […] More

  • Following instructions

    A woman brought her baby to see the Doctor, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days […] More

  • Remember

    A mother was having a tea party on the lawn with her children. A neighbor said, “How can you find time for a tea party when you have three small kids?” She smile and said, “They’ll always remember our tea parties, but they’ll never remember if their clothes were ironed or clean!” More

  • I want to get married!

    Little Paul says to his father, “Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.” His father says, “For that son, you have to have a girlfriend.” Paul says, “But I’ve found a girl.” “Who?” said his father. “My grandma.” “Let me get this straight.” the father says. “You want to marry my mother? You can’t do […] More

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