Children Jokes

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  • Too many lollies

    A mother tells her little boy, “Johnny, you mustn’t eat too many lollies or I’ll hide the lolly jar.” Johnny asks, “Why?” His mother says, “Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!” The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant […] More

  • Changing Voice

    My sister explained to my nephew how his voice would eventually change as he grew up. Tyler was exuberant at the prospect. “Cool!” he said. “I hope I get a German accent.” More

  • Baby brother or sister

    For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about […] More

  • Hear Mommy say

    A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth […] More

  • Got any more?

    A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things – chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, […] More

  • Ohh, I need..

    A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. […] More

  • Three came after two

    Eileen’s two-year-old great-grandson was excited about having his birthday in a few days. When asked how old he would be, he always said he would be four and held up four fingers. His mother tried to explain that he would be three, that three came after two, but he wasn’t convinced. He told her that […] More

  • Where’s Mom and dad?

    A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and dad?” and she replied, “They’re up in bed.” The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and Dad?” and […] More

  • Give up my seat

    Little Mary: “Mummy, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.” Mom: “Well, that is alright, Annie.” Little Mary: “But Mummy, I was sitting on Daddy’s lap!” More

  • Ready for school

    One mother arrived at school each morning with her seven children in tow, all a bit rumpled but never the less on time. Scarcely able to get her one child ready for school on time, another mother asked her how she managed her brood so efficiently. “Easy,” she replied with a smile. “I dress them […] More

  • Baby inside

    A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?! More

  • Loud Disturbance

    My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. “Hello,” she whispered. “Hi, honey. How’s your mother?” I asked. “She’s sleeping,” she answered, again in a whisper. “Did she go to the doctor?” “Yes. She got some medicine,” my niece said softly. “Well, don’t […] More

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