Doctor Jokes
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Some hormones
A man went to a GP and complained of listlessness. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, “You ought to try some hormones.” “Like they give to women?” the patient asked, dumbfounded. “Are you serious?” “Everybody uses hormones and for different purposes. They even give them to racehorses,” replied the doctor. The patient agreed to […] More
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Going Bananas
As part of the admission procedure in a hospital, a nurse will ask the patient if they are allergic to anything. If they are, the nurse prints it on an allergy band that goes on the patient’s wrist. Once when the nurse asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, the woman said she […] More
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It’s About My Height
Lady (to her doctor): “What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.” Doctor: “How come?” Lady: “According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches.” More
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3 meals a day
Doctor to a woman: “You look exhausted, have you been taking 3 meals a day like I told you?” Woman replies: “Oh, my… I thought you said 3 males a day.” More
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Doctor Knows Best
Patient: I have a problem doctor. I feel depressed and unhappy. Doctor: You should cut down on your drinking. Patient: I don’t drink and have never touched a drop in my life. Doctor: You should cut down on your smoking. Patient: I don’t smoke either doctor. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Good […] More
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Which bean
A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?” The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean […] More
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Costly Wakeup
An anesthesiologist has a stock answer to the usual question asked by pre-surgical patients: “How much will the anesthesia cost?” “Oh, about $100.00. $1.00 to go to sleep and $99.00 for waking up. Most patients buy the whole package.” More
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The Painless Dentist
When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the ‘Painless’ dentist. However, a local little girl called Veronica disputed his claim. “He’s a fake!” Veronica told her friends. “He’s not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth, I bit him, and he screamed like […] More
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There was a pretty nurse named
There was a pretty nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend. “Do you mean to say,” exclaimed Cindy, “that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents?” “Not only that,” said Carol, “he sent me a bill for 37 visits.” More
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Which one?
A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain, “Please doctor, you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee.” Doctor: “Don’t worry, I’ll put some cream on it.” Man: “You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.” Doctor: “No, you don’t understand! I’ll put […] More