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  • Predict the Weather

    To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong […] More

  • Security Check!!!

    When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier instructed, “Strip down, facing me.” Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this unnecessary security rubbish, I did just as she instructed. After the shrieking and hysteria finally subsided, I found out she was referring […] More

  • Jar number 47

    A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do – everyone except for grouchy Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this ‘miracle doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. When it was time for his appointment […] More

  • Communicative type

    Paul picked this woman up in a nightclub and took her home. While they were walking home he didn’t say a thing. “You’re not the communicative type, are you?” she said as they were undressing. “Nah,” Paul replied and pulled out his old fella. “I do all my talking with this.” “Damn,” said the girl […] More

  • Army Girl

    “Daddy,” said my 10-year-old daughter, “I think I want to join the Army.” “Baby,” I answered, “I think the Air Force would be a better option for you.” “But I don’t want to be a pilot.” “You don’t have to be a pilot,” I told her. “There are other jobs in the Air Force.” Her […] More

  • Go to the dentist

    Arthur: I like to go to the dentist. Marion: You really like to see the dentist? Arthur: Yes. My teacher, my mother, my big sister–they all tell me to shut up. The dentist is the only person who tells me to open my mouth! More

  • Way to a lecture

    On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer. ‘I’m on my way […] More

  • Robbing the robbers!

    A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer`s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain`t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.” The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers! […] More

  • A lady…

    A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person […] More

  • Actual radio conversation!

    This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: […] More

  • Live until ninety

    “Do you think I shall live until I’m ninety, doctor?” “How old are you now?” “Forty.” “Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?” “No. I don’t drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I don’t have any vices.” “Well, good heavens, what do you want to live […] More

  • Dear Alcohol

    Dear Alcohol, We had a deal… you would make me prettier, funnier and a better dancer. I just saw the video of the company Christmas party. WE NEED TO TALK! More

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