Lawyer Jokes

Subterms

Latest stories

  • Are you an honest lawyer…

    An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business […] More

  • A local United Way office real

    A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you […] More

  • A New York Lawyer

    A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in […] More

  • Some Last Minute Requests

    A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […] More

  • A proud man

    Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn’t you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honor! I’m a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat. More

  • $200 fine

    A pick pocket was pronounced guilty and sentenced to pay a $200 fine by the judge. His defense lawyer, knowing that his client could not pay the fine, pleaded with the judge asking, “Your honor, my client can only afford $50. But if you allow him a few minutes in the crowd…” More

  • Johnson is cheating!

    A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson. Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!” “How can you tell?” Phillips asked. “Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!” More

  • An Honest Mistake!

    A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: “What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked. “Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?” The minister replied, “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give […] More

  • Guilty in traffic

    A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not run […] More

  • Christmas shopping…

    It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant. “That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened.” More

  • Let’s be honest

    Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case. “Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.” “Okay, you first,” replied the other. That was the end of the discussion. More

  • Guess who

    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he […] More

Load More
Congratulations. You've reached the end of the internet.