Marriage Jokes

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  • I’m Still Ahead

    My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. “I have a higher IQ, did better on my SAT’s, and make more money than you,” she pointed out. “Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead,” I said. She looked mystified. “How do you figure?” “I married […] More

  • Allow me to explain..

    In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, Sissi, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!” Sissi responded calmly, “Allow me to explain… the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid […] More

  • What A Husband Remembers

    Wife: “You remember when you bought me this blue dress?” Husband: “I don’t remember.” Wife: “It was on my birthday! And this red gown?” Husband: “On your birthday?” Wife: “No… on our anniversary! Don’t you remember?” Husband: “Honey, I’m not good at remembering colors or dresses. I better at remembering prices, those I remember very […] More

  • Elevator pinch

    As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against gorgeous women. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the women suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!” Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with […] More

  • Some advice

    When a woman in an office became engaged to be married, a colleague offered her some advice. “The first ten years are the hardest.” “How long have you been married?” the woman asked. “Ten years,” she replied. More

  • Lamaze Class

    A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.” The instructor then dropped a pen and asked […] More

  • 40th birthday

    A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the […] More

  • Old Crush!

    A husband takes the wife to a night club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works! The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!” The husband says, “Looks […] More

  • Will you marry after

    A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?” The wife responds, “No, I will live with my sister.” The wife asks him back, “Will you marry after I die?” The husband responds, “No, I will also live with your sister.” More

  • Sharing Secrets

    I feel safe sharing secrets with my husband, as I know he will not share them with anyone. How can I be so sure? Because he never listens to me. More

  • A Porsche costs

    A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs…” “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.” So the […] More

  • What’s your excuse?

    Wife: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?” Husband: “I was golfing with friends, my dear.” Wife: “What? At 2AM?!” Husband: “Yes dear, we used night clubs.” More

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