Marriage Jokes

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  • I’ve been insulted

    The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. “I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me.” “My mother!” he exclaimed. “But she is a hundred miles away.” “I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it.” He looked stern, “I see, but where […] More

  • That Was Short

    A woman had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. “Wow,” said her husband, “that was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?” “Wrong number,” replied the wife. More

  • Oh it must be..

    A husband and a wife were sleeping. Suddenly, a sound of a car screeching was heard outside. The wife woke up and shouted, “Oh it must be my husband!” The husband woke up after he hear his wife’s words and ran off to hide in a bush outside. Moments later, the husband came in, angry. […] More

  • Facebook Love

    My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status “I’m getting a divorce,” he was the first one to click Like. More

  • Meeting the Bride

    My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his bride-to-be to his super-critical mother. But in order to get an unbiased opinion, he invited over three other female friends as well and didn’t tell his mom which one he intended to marry. After the four women left, he asked his mother, “Can you guess […] More

  • On the radio

    Hearing his wife as she sings, the husband says, “You know dear, when you sing like that I just wish you were on the radio.” The wife smiles and replies, “Wow honey, you think I am that good?” “No, but at least that way I can change the station or turn it off.” More

  • Up On the Roof

    A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right. Her husband said, “The cat just died.” She burst into tears and said, “How could you be […] More

  • Too Much Flirting

    John looked tense. His friend asked him the reason for his worry. John said he had received a letter from somebody threatening him of dire consequences if he did not stop flirting with his wife. The friend says, “Then what’s the problem? Just stop flirting with his wife.” John replies, “I would, but the letter […] More

  • The Accident That’s About to Happen

    Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident. Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple facial injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg. Wife: Who is Sabrina? More

  • Who’s been?

    A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling “Who’s been screwing my wife?” A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, “You don’t have enough ammo, mate!” More

  • Loving Wife!

    After examining a patient the doctor took his wife aside and told her that her husband was gravely ill but there were 3 things she could do to ensure his survival. 1. Give him three nutritious meals every day. 2. Do not nag him. 3. Make love to him every night. While driving back home […] More

  • The Picture Diet!

    A married lady, visited her elderly parents’ home. When she opened refrigerator, she was shocked to see inside a picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman in two-piece bikini. Lady: Mom, what’s this? Mom: Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat. Lady: Is it working? Mom: Yes and […] More

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