Marriage Jokes

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  • Just Pull the Plug…

    A man and his wife were sitting in the living room. Husband, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his […] More

  • Polishing Apples!

    A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money. The old guy said: Son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression I was down to my last nickel. I invested that in an apple and spent the entire day polishing it. At the end of the day, I sold […] More

  • Love Advice from Men!

    Hi Uncle Tom, I am a lady aged 26, I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home, I drove for just about 2 km from home & my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car, when I got home I found my husband […] More

  • What do I look like?

    A man came home from work one day and his wife asked him to fix the toilet. The man says “who do i look like the plumber?” and never fixed it…. The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. The man says “who do i look […] More

  • Can of Peas!

    This 60-year old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge, he asked her, “What did you steal?” She replied, “A can of peaches.” The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches […] More

  • Making a Point!

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. […] More

  • Wedding Speech!

    Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws: My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house… Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines… Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it… Those cooking must keep cooking… […] More

  • 10 Differences between men and women

    1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 3. A successful man is one […] More

  • The New Wife

    The new wife was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech: “My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family”, she said “Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your […] More

  • Please Don’t Interfere

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said. “Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more […] More

  • Uncle Paul

    Hello? Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is mommy near the phone? No, daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul. After a brief pause, daddy say but honey you don’t have an Uncle Paul. Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with mommy right now. Brief pause. Uh ok then I […] More

  • Contemporary Marriage!

    A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he […] More

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