Marriage Jokes

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  • For posterity

    When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonoṛṛhoea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonoṛṛhoea.” Replied the widow, “Yes, […] More

  • Why ?

    A newlywed couple is getting ready for bed when the husband says, “Honey, now that we’re married, it’s okay for me to see your body. Would you open your robe so I can have a look?” She opens her robe and lets her husband see her naked body. And he says, “You are so so […] More

  • After ten years

    A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around […] More

  • Keep an eye on

    A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately. After about a week of no news the business man received a telegram: “The man who […] More

  • Complete and finished

    There is a subtle but important difference between the words “complete” and “finished.” When you marry the right one, you are complete. When you marry the wrong one, you are finished. And if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished. More

  • The Statue

    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said. “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.” “What’s […] More

  • Dancing

    A husband takes his wife dancing. They notice a guy on the dance floor living large, break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.” Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!” More

  • Banister

    A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister. “What are you doing?” he asks. She answers, “Warming up your dinner.” More

  • Learning From Teachers

    Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I […] More

  • Coincidence

    The teacher asked, “Give me an example of Coincidence?” Student replied, “My mom and dad got married on the same date.” More

  • No waves

    A wealthy gentleman is taking a sea voyage around the world. After the first night at sea he walks onto the deck and says to the captain, “The sea is so calm. No waves at all. Why has the ship been wobbling the whole night.” “We’ve got five couples of newly-weds on board…” More

  • Condo of their dreams

    The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had […] More

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