Marriage Jokes

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  • 24 Hours Left

    A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for s*x. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey,you know I […] More

  • Salad for Dinner

    I came home from work this evening and said to my wife, “Are we having salad for dinner?” “Yes we are, how did you know?” she asked. I replied, “Because I can’t hear the smoke alarm.” More

  • Didn’t expect

    A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t tell the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me, […] More

  • A Wife’s Patience

    Husband: You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you. Wife: Nonsense! it’s only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well.. More

  • One Fine Day

    One day a husband says to his wife, “Today is a fine day!” Next day he says it again. “Today is a fine day.” Again next day, he says same thing, “Today is a fine day.” Finally after a week, the wife asks her husband, “Since last week, you are saying today is a fine […] More

  • The only pleasure

    A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes that are clearly undersized for him. The salesman says, “But, sir, I can see from up here that you’ll need much bigger shoes than that.” The guy says, “That’s OK, please bring me the smaller ones.” The salesman brings them, the […] More

  • Big Decisions

    I asked my friend , “What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?” He said “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.” I asked “Can you explain?” He said “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my Wife decides […] More

  • Golf Emergency

    A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses. “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. […] More

  • Spelling mistake

    One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add ‘e’ at the end of a word… “I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!” More

  • Married Women Vs Single Women

    Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge. More

  • Vegetative state

    A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will” “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out […] More

  • Birthday

    A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?” She says, “Bernie, I want a divorce.” “My goodness,” he says, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.” More

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