Miscellaneous Jokes

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  • Forgive Me Father

    About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.” “Well,” answered the priest, “that’s not a sin.”‘ “But I made him agree to pay me 200 Euros for […] More

  • Non-Committal Echo

    Guy goes to the top of the mountain and screams, “I LOVE YOU!” He waits for the echo. It takes a while, but he finally hears it. Echo replies, “I have a boyfriend!” More

  • We Can

    On the farm where I was raised, home canning was a big thing. Most folks had a garden and ate out of it all summer, the surplus was put up in bottles for the winter. The common saying was: “WE EAT WHAT WE CAN, AND WHAT WE CAN’T, WE CAN.” More

  • Spendthrift

    A father and his son were looking at a nativity scene in a London gallery. It was Titian’s world-famous painting of the scene at Bethlehem. The boy said, “Dad, why is the baby lying in such a crude cradle in a pile of straw?” “Well, son,” explained the father, “they were poor, and they couldn’t […] More

  • How Do You Get To Heaven?

    “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children all answered. “If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat […] More

  • Excuses, Excuses

    Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.” Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. My wife decided to drive me to the […] More

  • The Job Interview

    When hiring new staff at her public library, my daughter always asks the applicants what sort of supervision they’d be most comfortable with. One genius answered, “I’ve always thought Superman’s X-ray vision would be cool.” More

  • Try heaven

    Toward the end of a particularly trying round of golf, Jack was the picture of frustration. He’d hit too many fat shots. Finally he blurted out to his caddie, “I’d move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course.” “Try heaven,” replied the caddie. “You’ve already moved most of the earth.” More

  • Two Men Camping

    Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, […] More

  • State Highways employe

    A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, “I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.” The old farmer said, “OK, but don’t go in that field.” The Highways employee said, “I have the authority of the State Government to go […] More

  • What’s the Quickest Way?

    An American tourist was visiting a small village in Newfoundland. He approached a local person and asked, “What’s the quickest way to Marystown?” The local, scratched his head, “Are ya walkin’ er drivin’?” he asked the stranger. “I’m driving,” said the stranger. “Well, that’s the quickest way.” More

  • Anything?!

    A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam,” she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes “I mean,” she whispers, “I would do anything…” He returns […] More

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