Miscellaneous Jokes

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  • Quickest way to New York

    A man approached a local in a village he was visiting. “What’s the quickest way to New York?” The local scratched his head. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the stranger. “I’m driving.” “That’s the quickest way.” More

  • Glowing number 5

    When the gambler wakes up from dreaming about a huge glowing number 5 made of gold and diamonds, he knows it’s an omen. So he grabs a racing form and looks up that day’s fifth race. Sure enough, the number 5 horse in the fifth race is Fifth Element. So for the rest of the […] More

  • Healthful place

    Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Barbados. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, “Say, is this really a healthful place?” “It sure is,” the cabby replied. “When I arrived here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk […] More

  • Please give me

    A beggar came to a pedestrian in the morning on a Liverpool Street and demanded, “Sir, Please give me six pounds, I need to drink coffee.” The pedestrian recognized him as some big shot business man and asked, “Coffee costs three pounds. Why do you need six pounds?” The beggar says, “Well, I need to […] More

  • I’m done for

    A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach of an island and is immediately surrounded by a group of native warriors. “I’m done for”, the man cries in despair. “No you are not,” comes a booming voice from the heavens. “Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab the spear from the one who […] More

  • No man has ever succeeded

    One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. “I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever […] More

  • Daytime shows

    A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. “Do you watch much television here?” “Only the daytime shows,” the inmate said. “At night we’re locked in our cells and don’t see any television.” “That’s too bad,” the reporter said, “But I do think it is […] More

  • It’s important for him

    A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it […] More

  • Clocks

    Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day. When she asked St. Peter about the clocks, he replied, ”We have a clock for each person on earth […] More

  • Pinkie Pinkerton

    Pinkie Pinkerton lived in a pink one story house on Pink Street. The walls were pink, the roof was pink, the carpet was pink, the flowers were pink, the pictures were pink, the furniture was pink, the bathroom was pink, her stuff was pink, the yard was pink, even her cat was pink. EVERYTHING was […] More

  • Robbed At Gas Station

    I got robbed at the gas station today. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. I said, “Yes, pump number six.” More

  • Flat Tire

    A car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. The lady driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. […] More

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