Miscellaneous Jokes

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to […] More

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn’t be needed. “Fill ‘er up,” he ordered the worker. The worker did as he’d been told. But he ran into […] More

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!” “I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” the doctor replies. ‘Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.” “But you don’t understand,” the woman insists. “He sleeps with his mouth open, […] More

To impress his date, a young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. “We’ll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci,” he said. “Sorry, sir,” said the waiter. “That”s the owner.” More

There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.” More

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give […] More

Two women are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, the woman turns to the other and hands her a bill. “Here’s that $20 I owe you,” she says. More

Hey, cabby! How much to take me to the station? “Five bucks, sir.” “And how much for my suitcase?” “No charge for the suitcase, sir.” “Okay. Take the case and I’ll walk.” More

There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, “I’m a little tired today and I can only give you […] More

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large […] More

As the bus pulled away, Janet realized she had left her purse under the seat. Later she called the company and was relieved to find out the driver had found her bag. When she went to pick it up, several off- duty bus drivers surrounded her. One of the men handed over her pocketbook, two […] More

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” The young man blurted out. “To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics […] More