Miscellaneous Jokes

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  • Jumbo jet

    A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes. “I’ll have a ‘jumbo jet’,” he said. When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway. He called his waiter over. “Was that the ‘jumbo jet’?” […] More

  • It’s A Miracle!

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a […] More

  • Costs of production

    Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, “This person will cook for you and wash […] More

  • Math Teacher

    The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tire on the way to the exam. “No problem.” said the Professor, […] More

  • Choices…

    Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you. The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you. The next day I stopped eating red meat. Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking. Yesterday, I […] More

  • Talking clock

    A man moves into a new flat and invites a few of his friends around for a housewarming drink. He’s got lots of lovely furniture but then one of his friends sees an old hammer hanging on the wall and says, “What’s that dirty old hammer doing there?” The man replies: “Oh, that’s not a […] More

  • Guaranteed to Work New Diet

    Want a diet that is guaranteed to work? Make a sandwich with spinach, kumquat and catfish. Drench it in jalapeño sauce and yogurt. One look at it and you’re not hungry for hours! More

  • A stage whisper

    A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give […] More

  • Before you jump

    A tough looking group of hairy bikers is riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also […] More

  • One claw

    A man went into a restaurant and asked for crab. When the waiter brought it, the man objected, “Just a minute, that crab only has one claw!” “Yes, said the waiter, it was in a fight.” “Well,” said the man, “Bring me the winner!” More

  • Young actress

    A producer is smitten by a beautiful but less than brilliant young actress. He asks for her hand in marriage. She doesn’t quite grasp what he’s saying. He adds, “You don’t understand. I want you to be the mother of my children.” The actress asks, “Really? How many do you have?” More

  • Pass Inspection

    I had moved to South Carolina from New York and at that time, a vehicle inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous. My car was in rough shape. I thought of New York State’s rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove down […] More

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