Miscellaneous Jokes

Stomachache

“I’ve got a stomachache.” “That’s because you haven’t eaten. Your stomach is empty, that’s why it hurts.” “Oh, is that why you have all those headaches?” More

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident – body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on boulevard.” He then scratches out his spelling error. “Head on boulevard.” Nope, doesn’t look right – scratch scratch. “Head on […] More

Cutting Class

“Jill,” a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, “do you mind telling me whose class you’re cutting this time?” “Like,” the young teen replied, “uh, see, okay, like it’s like, I really don’t like, think like, that’s really important, y’know, like because I’m, y’know, like I don’t get anything out of it.” “It’s Mrs. […] More

Gift For A Birthday

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that […] More

Choices

It was dinner time on a British Airways flight from London to New York. As the flight attendant moved down the plane, she asked one of the passengers: – “Would you like dinner?” – “What are my choices?” asked the passenger. – “Yes or No,” replied the attendant. More

Trusting My Mother

I was trying to decide what to do for a talent show I planned to enter. Trusting my mother to help me out, I asked, “For the talent show, what do you think I should do, sing or put on a comedy act?” Glancing up from her paper, she said dryly, “What’s the difference?” More

Cupid

I don’t know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day… When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. More

Playing games

There is a knock on the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks out, and a man is standing there. Saint Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there’s another knock. Saint Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again. […] More

A Million Dollars

A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD. “GOD”, he said, “How long is a million years?” GOD answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.” The man asked, “GOD, how much is a […] More

Just a visit

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a […] More

How Can I Put This Nicely?

Fred: “Do you think I have any brains at all?” John: “Well, how can I put this nicely, I can describe it best like this… If they were to take your brain, roll it into a little ball and roll it down the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB rolling […] More

Answer this..

Teacher: “Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?” Student: “A heart attack.” More

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