Miscellaneous Jokes

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  • Scared Swimmer!

    While fishing off the Australia coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of crocodiles kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any crocs around here?!” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” Feeling […] More

  • Monopoly Money

    Ricky was at the mall and went into a toy shop, picked up a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper Monopoly money and started to leave. The shopkeeper told him, “Excuse me little boy, this isn’t real money.” Ricky continued walking out of the shop and didn’t reply. The shopkeeper repeated himself, and Ricky kept walking. […] More

  • Buying Your Ticket

    Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all […] More

  • Sympathetic Visitor

    A big, burly man visited the pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. “Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too […] More

  • Looking Heavenward

    The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he […] More

  • Men vs Women Brains

    Men vs Women Brain Analyses: 1. MULTI-TASKING Women’s brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time. Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook. Men’s brains are designed to concentrate on only one thing at a time. Men can not watch TV and talk over the phone at the same time. […] More

  • Boys-Out Trip!

    Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect boys-out trip. Two days before the group is to leave, Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he is not going. Rob’s friends were very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only […] More

  • Colors

    A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, “An enemy ship is approaching us!” The captain replies calmly, “Go get my red shirt.” The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. […] More

  • Accidentally kissed

    A Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer are sitting in a train carriage together. The train goes into a tunnel and there is complete darkness. Suddenly there is a kissing sound then the sound of a really hard slap. When the train comes out the tunnel, the Englishman and Claudia are sitting as if nothing […] More

  • Rotten luck

    A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in ‘Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?” A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?” He […] More

  • Emergency Signals

    Two avid hunters take a hunter’s safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air. Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost. One says to the other, “What shall we do?” The other says, I know fire three shots in […] More

  • Blind man and his dog…

    A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man’s leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog’s head. Having watched what happened, a bystander said, “Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!” “I know,” […] More

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