Old Age Jokes

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  • Early Dementia Test

    It’s that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the […] More

  • Today Is My Birthday

    A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, “It’s my birthday today, and I’m on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday.” The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday I’ll […] More

  • Good Impression

    An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, “I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?” The trainer replied… “Use the ATM machine outside the gym!” More

  • When can we see the baby?

    With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one of them asked. Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can […] More

  • Senior Citizen

    A man visits his psychiatrist and talks about being haunted by visions of his departed relatives. He says; these ghosts are perched on the tops of fence posts around my garden every night. They sit there and watch me and watch me. What can I do? The psychiatrist says; that’s easy … just sharpen the […] More

  • Sharing Everything

    A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then […] More

  • Nightie

    A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary, so he bought her a $100 see-through nightie. That night, she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightie was still in its box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said: “Jesus, for $100 they could’ve at least ironed […] More

  • Knock knock

    Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.” The second lady says, “You think that’s […] More

  • Switching channels

    An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the p0rn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For god’s sake! Leave it on the p0rn channel. You already know how to fish!” More

  • Life choices

    An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex̣. . He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family […] More

  • Late Bus

    Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I […] More

  • The secret of my success

    Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.” The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep […] More

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