Party Pubbing Jokes

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  • Three mice

    Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my […] More

  • Sunday newspaper

    A very drunk gent checked into a hotel late one Saturday night. He awoke very ill and summoned a bellboy to fetch him a bottle of whiskey and a Sunday newspaper. The bellhop was gone a long time. When he returned, the drunk remarked, “It must be hard to buy a bottle in this town […] More

  • It’s bean soup

    When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup of the day, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “It’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it’s been,” he replied. “I want to know what it is now?” More

  • Scotch & Water

    A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.” The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, […] More

  • Send the Wine Back

    A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his […] More

  • Quickie

    A man goes into a restaurant where all the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, “What would you like, sir?” He looks at the menu, scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, and then answers, “A quickie.” The waitress turns and walks away […] More

  • A bar owner locked up his plac

    A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and […] More

  • Mongoose

    The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?” “A mongoose.” “What for?” “Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. […] More

  • A little head

    A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can’t help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, “You know, I’m not gay but […] More

  • Vampires…

    Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.” The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.” The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?” More

  • Fastest Turtle

    A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The guy notices a dog laying down on the other side of the bar. The bartender asks […] More

  • Does Anyone Know CPR?

    I was drinking a margarita when a guy stood up and asked, “Does anyone here know CPR?” Someone else stood up and said, “Yeah, I know the whole alphabet.” We all laughed and laughed and laughed… well, except this one guy. More

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