Party Pubbing Jokes

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  • Help me!

    A waiter suddenly became ill and was rushed to the hospital. He was lying on the operating table in extreme pain when he saw an intern go by. “Doctor, help me!” pleaded the waiter. “Sorry,” replied the intern. “That isn’t my table.” More

  • Two drunks

    Two drunks are driving down the road drinking beer. All of a sudden they see a police car lights flashing in the rear view mirror. “What are we going to do?” asks the drunk passenger. “Don’t worry, I know what to do. Peel the label off your bottle and stick it to your forehead. Let […] More

  • Today Is My Birthday

    A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, “It’s my birthday today, and I’m on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday.” The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday I’ll […] More

  • What’s with the nuts?

    A guy goes into a bar. He’s sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, “You look great!” He looks around – there’s nobody near him. He hears the voice again, “No really, you look terrific.” The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, “Is that a new shirt or something? Because you […] More

  • alcohol warnings

    The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a […] More

  • Which bus…

    A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, I’ve got news for you. “You’re going straight to hell!” The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, “Shoot, I’m on the wrong […] More

  • Study

    A 2014 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon. Not Bad. More

  • Drinking buddies

    Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, “So where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland.” “Me too! I’ll drink to that.” They both finish their pints and order two more. “Where […] More

  • Taking a Drunk Home

    A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it’s possible to get. A group of guys noticed his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First they stood him up to get to his wallet so they could find out where he lives, but he kept falling down. He […] More

  • Working On The Road

    A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then […] More

  • Tips for New Year Booze

    1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet. Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet). Cure: Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward. 2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights. Cause: You’re lying on the floor. Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree […] More

  • Stealing a Bus

    Because they’ve spent all their cash on booze during a night on the town, Dave and Eric have no money for a taxi home. Dave has a drunken idea. “Let’s steal a bus!” He persuades Eric to break into the bus station. But 20 minutes later, Eric has failed to emerge. Dave sticks his head […] More

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