Party Pubbing Jokes

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  • 12 Shots

    A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.” More

  • The devil herself

    A fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the […] More

  • The Cleaning Bill

    Two Buddies were drinking in a bar one night and had became extreamly drunk. One guy was so drunk that he had got sick all over his shirt. He looks at his buddy and says “My wife is gonna kill me when I get home,this is a brand new shirt! His buddy looks at him […] More

  • Magic Window

    Two guys are sitting at a bar. “You know why I love this bar?” asks the first one. “No,” says the second guy. “Why do you love this bar?” The first guy points at the window, which is six stories above the ground. “It has a magic window,” he says. “You jump out of that […] More

  • Drinking Problem

    Fred was having trouble with a drinking problem and swore that he would correct it with sheer willpower. He had decided to walk straight past the pub without going in. As he approached the doors he kept repeating to himself, “You can do it. You can do it.” The pressure was tough, but Fred persevered, […] More

  • Cuckoo Clock

    At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk. I came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. I was very proud of myself. The next day, my wife asked what […] More

  • Speech Impediment

    Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: “If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?” “Yeah, sure thing,” replied his friend, “fire away.” “Well,” said the first guy, “why do you think all the guys around here find […] More

  • Celebrating

    While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, “This is a special day. I’m celebrating.” “I’m celebrating, too,” she replied, clinking glasses with him. “What are you celebrating?” he asked. […] More

  • Whiskey Shots

    A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last shot and does the same. The bartender asks, “Why did you do […] More

  • Cheers Everybody!

    In our life, problems may go from “Haywards 2000” to “Haywards 5000”, but we must take them as a “Royal Challenge” otherwise people will call us “Old Monk” and put a “Black Label” on our name. So, we must learn from “Teachers” to fight like “Jack Daniel”, live like a “Bagpiper”, walk like “Johny Walker”, […] More

  • Winding up the tough guy

    I was sitting at a bar one time, when I noticed that, next to me, an old drunk was hassling one of the biggest, toughest guys I’d ever seen. The old guy was clearly blasted, and kept getting in the tough guy’s face, say, “I fu*ked your mother.” Despite being huge and jacked, the tough […] More

  • Shirt Pocket

    A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini. Finally, the bartender […] More

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