Police Jokes

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  • Under a tack ….

    Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of the truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another office had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain […] More

  • A highway patrolman was rushed

    A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to […] More

  • Crossing The Border

    While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard. “Sand,” said the cyclist. “Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, […] More

  • Anything you say

    A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!” More

  • Childhood Sweethearts

    An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared & where he had carved “I love you, Sally”. On their way back home, a […] More

  • Swimming is prohibited

    Officer: “Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake.” Lady: “Why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?” Officer: “Well, that’s not prohibited.” More

  • The Shower

    Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what the hell is wrong with you? So Ray says “Ive been running from the cops but I finally lost them” Dewey then asked “what the hell did you do?” Ray replied ” I was pi$$ing in the shower and the […] More

  • Great News

    The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.” “Well, tell me!” the man said. The policeman said: “We have some bad […] More

  • Parking Enforcement

    I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter. So I went up to him and said, “Come on, how about giving a man a break?” He ignored […] More

  • Safe Driver Award

    A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, “Is there a problem, Officer?” “No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do […] More

  • I’m not home yet

    A man was well inebriated, but he got behind the wheel of his car anyway and began to drive home. Of course, he couldn’t exactly drive straight or stay below the speed limit. Two policemen pulled him over and demanded a sobriety test. They asked him to walk a straight line, and he failed. They […] More

  • I doubt it

    Recently on a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different […] More

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