Religious Jokes

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  • Man On A Desert Island

    A man was finally rescued, after having been on a deserted island for 10 years. The first question he was asked was why there were three huts on the island if he was alone. He replied, “The first one is my home, the second is my church and the third is the church I used […] More

  • Lord, Don’t Let Me Be Late!

    A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and […] More

  • Nuns Confessional

    Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man’s private parts. The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?” The nun replies, “My right hand.” The priest tells her to dip her right […] More

  • Religious differences

    My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences. She thought she was God. I disagreed. More

  • Church members…

    Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was […] More

  • Have faith

    A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock. “HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?” he shouted. A majestic voice boomed through the gorge: “I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.” “Yes, yes, I trust […] More

  • The Lord Will Save Me!

    It rained for days and days and there was a terrific flood. The water rose so high that one man was forced to climb on top of his roof and sat in the rain. As the waters came up higher a man in a rowboat came up to the house and told him to get […] More

  • Calling the Last Rites

    A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. “A priest! Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any […] More

  • Trying something different

    A church minister decided to try something a little different for his Sunday sermon. He told his congregation: “I am going to call out a single word, and I want you to sing a hymn that immediately springs to mind.” First, the minister shouted out: “Cross.” And the congregation started to sing in unison: “The […] More

  • Acts of God

    The new minister’s wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again. Several years and five children later, the […] More

  • Clocks

    Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day. When she asked St. Peter about the clocks, he replied, ”We have a clock for each person on earth […] More

  • The Pope and KFC Deal

    When KFC sales hit a lean patch, Colonel Sanders came up with a brilliant advertising idea. He got in touch with the Pope and asked the pontiff whether he could change the words of the Lord’s Prayer from “Give us this day a daily bread” to “Give us this day a daily chicken.” “I can’t […] More

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