Jokes of the day - Part 164

Modern Garage Door Opener

My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.” “I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage. More

Few days

The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there’s his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks, “Can I stay here for a few days?” The man says, “Sure you can.” And he closes the door. More

I’m Still Ahead

My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. “I have a higher IQ, did better on my SAT’s, and make more money than you,” she pointed out. “Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead,” I said. She looked mystified. “How do you figure?” “I married […] More

Pay them with a smile

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to […] More

What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!” More

Anything to repay you

A very horny guy is stranded on an island with a monkey. After a while, he decides to have s*x with the monkey, but the monkey continually slips out of his grip and runs away. One day, a very attractive girl is drowning in the ocean and the guy saves her. She says, “I’ll do […] More

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