Jokes of the day

The will to live…

A man went to his lawyer and said: “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” The lawyer says “No problem, leave it all to me”. The man looks somewhat upset … “Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I’d like […] More

Before you jump

A tough looking group of hairy bikers is riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also […] More

$5,000 bird

A successful businessman wanted to send his elderly mother a very special gift for her birthday, a rare South American endangered bird valued at $5,000. When he called his mother to see how she liked the surprise gift he was shocked when she said, “It was quite small, but tasted very good.” He asked her, […] More

It’s bean soup

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup of the day, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “It’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it’s been,” he replied. “I want to know what it is now?” More

One claw

A man went into a restaurant and asked for crab. When the waiter brought it, the man objected, “Just a minute, that crab only has one claw!” “Yes, said the waiter, it was in a fight.” “Well,” said the man, “Bring me the winner!” More

Young actress

A producer is smitten by a beautiful but less than brilliant young actress. He asks for her hand in marriage. She doesn’t quite grasp what he’s saying. He adds, “You don’t understand. I want you to be the mother of my children.” The actress asks, “Really? How many do you have?” More

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