Ribbon

There was a woman who had a dog that snored. She called her vet to find out if there was anything that would stop the snoring. The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles.
So, she went to her sewing basket, found a length of ribbon and tied it around the dog’s testicles. Sure enough, the dog stopped snoring. Later that evening, her husband came home drunk, fell into the bed and immediately went to sleep.
In his slumber, he began to snore.
“Well,” she thought, “if it worked for the dog, it might just work for him.”
With that, she went to her sewing basket and retrieved another length of ribbon. She tied it around her husband’s testicles and sure enough, he stopped snoring.
During the night, the husband got up to go to the bathroom. As he passed the mirror, he notice the blue ribbon tied around him. He looked over at the dog and noticed a red ribbon tied around the dog.
“Well, boy, I don’t know where we’ve been but we won first and second place.”

Cold Cream

Feeling rowdy