Animal Jokes

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  • Feline Heaven

    A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had […] More

  • This Dog Loves People

    The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to […] More

  • Thanksgiving turkey

    One Thanksgiving, a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, “Happy Thanksgiving!” Without hesitation my friend knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, “He gave you the bird!” More

  • Total Commitment!

    A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution. “Great idea!` the chicken cried. “Let’s offer them ham and eggs?” “Not so fast,” said the pig testily. “For […] More

  • The answer

    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, “I guess we answered that question!” More

  • Never Talk to the Parrot

    Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, […] More

  • Confused parrot

    A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who’d seen all the magician’s tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician’s disappearing acts. The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn’t figure out. One night in the middle […] More

  • The Lion’s Wedding

    A lion was getting married. At his wedding was a mouse shouting away and congratulating the lion, “All the best my brother…. good luck…..” Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother another Lion grabs the mouse and asks, “Who the hell do you think you are? How can […] More

  • Intelligent dog !

    A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, “We`ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.” Her husband replied, “Well, lots of dogs can do that.” The wife responded, ” But we`ve never subscribed to any papers!” More

  • The Impatient Flea

    Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get on Noah’s Ark, a flea jumps from one animal to another as she moves closer to the front. She leaps and leaps until she lands on the back of an elephant. The pachyderm turns to its mate and says testily, “I knew it! Here […] More

  • Lion`s Green Card

    In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo. The lion was so happy […] More

  • Papa mole

    There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell sausage!” Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell pancakes!” Baby mole […] More

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