Blonde Jokes

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  • Two Brazilians

    A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!” Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk […] More

  • The Lunatic Driver

    One morning a blonde’s husband was watching the traffic report on TV. They were talking about some maniac who was driving along the highway in the wrong direction and disrupting traffic He knew his wife would be on that highway on her way to work and he didn’t want her to get hurt, so he […] More

  • The Art of Fishing

    Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.” “We don’t have any,” replied the first blonde. “Well, if your going […] More

  • Blonde Counsellor

    A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was […] More

  • Blonde Alternative to Cell Phone

    Blonde: “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a cell phone?” Blonde: “They’re too expensive, so I did the next best thing: I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: “And do you receive any letters?” Blonde: “No, but I figure […] More

  • Blonde Waitress

    “How come you’re late?” asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. “It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was […] More

  • Parachute Jumping

    On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?” “That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you […] More

  • No Backseat Blonde

    A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. “No!” yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. “For the last time, no!” says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, […] More

  • The blonde swam

    There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, […] More

  • Pregnant With Twins

    The other day my neighbor, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, ‘What the heck,’, and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, “I have some really great news!” I said, “Great. Tell me why […] More

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