Joke of the day

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  • Security Check!!!

    When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier instructed, “Strip down, facing me.” Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this unnecessary security rubbish, I did just as she instructed. After the shrieking and hysteria finally subsided, I found out she was referring […] More

  • A lady…

    A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person […] More

  • Will I be acquitted?

    In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.” Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman’s lined face, […] More

  • Few days off work

    I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me […] More

  • Flight Test For Santa

    Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). It was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked […] More

  • The way you are thinking

    Teacher: Johnny, if there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot 1 with your gun, how many will be left? Johnny: None, the rest will fly away. Teacher: Well, the answer is 4, but i like the way you are thinking. Johnny: I have a question for you; if 3 women are […] More

  • The Pope and KFC Deal

    When KFC sales hit a lean patch, Colonel Sanders came up with a brilliant advertising idea. He got in touch with the Pope and asked the pontiff whether he could change the words of the Lord’s Prayer from “Give us this day a daily bread” to “Give us this day a daily chicken.” “I can’t […] More

  • Two bored casino dealers..

    Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.” With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and […] More

  • First Day of School

    Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realised that he desperately needed to go to the toilet. So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to […] More

  • I’m Jesus Christ!!!

    A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, “I’m Jesus Christ.” The first priest says, “No, son, you’re not.” So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, “No, son, you’re not.” The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. He walks back into […] More

  • Shopping in London

    Paddy & Jimmy were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read, “Suits Pound 5.00 each, Shirts Pound 2.00 each, Trousers Pound 2.50 per pair”. Paddy said to his pal, “Look at the prices! We could buy a […] More

  • Silent and Odourless Farts!

    A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. “My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I […] More

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