Marriage Jokes

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  • Home Insecurity

    As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle—which no longer works—and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit. I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife […] More

  • Lamaze Class

    A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.” The instructor then dropped a pen and asked […] More

  • 40th birthday

    A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the […] More

  • The Picture Diet!

    A married lady, visited her elderly parents’ home. When she opened refrigerator, she was shocked to see inside a picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman in two-piece bikini. Lady: Mom, what’s this? Mom: Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat. Lady: Is it working? Mom: Yes and […] More

  • Hobbies of Husband

    A woman went shopping, At cash counter, she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He couldn’t control his curiosity and asked, “Do you always carry your TV remote with you?” She replied, “No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today… The story […] More

  • Change of Mind!

    Mrs. Sullivan and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, “Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?” “What do you mean, […] More

  • It’s gonna start!

    A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!” She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick! Bring me another beer! It’s gonna start!” This time […] More

  • Supermarket

    The man approached a very beautiful blonde woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” she asks. “Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.” More

  • Happy Mother’s Day!

    A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally, the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again, “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids […] More

  • A Marriage Made in Heaven

    A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he’ll do his […] More

  • Organic Vegetables

    During a Coffee Break, two men were talking, “My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden.” said the first man. “So were you able to find some?” the second man, asked. “Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, ‘These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been […] More

  • Stages of marriage

    “There are three different stages of marriage” said Dad to his son on the boy’s wedding day. “When you’re newlyweds, you have se* wherever and whenever you want it – the house, the garden, in the supermarket, all over the place. But then comes stage 2. After you’ve been married for some time, se* is […] More

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